River crossing
The Sun was bright in the
evening, sweats drop from my chin to the long dirt path that we don't know
where it ends. We only knows we were walking in the forest at Khao Yia.
"Are we close yet?" I asked"Not long, just cross them river." The
guide answers me in Thai. We walk a little bit more as the sound of the river
gets louder and louder."There’s the river!" I shouted. The
river was larger than my mom and dad, cousin, grandma, my beds add up together.
I look down to see the little hill we need to walk down to get to the river
side, up above that view was a guy in gardening uniform, he was Mr.Komson, the
PE teacher waiting to help us cross the big giant river. I walk down the hill
and wait for other members of the group. I saw rock way crossing the river from
one side to the other. I didn't listen to the teacher instruction, I go
straight to find MY own way of crossing the river and start follows MY way. I
was crossing the river and Ms.Caroline shout,"The rock is slippery, be aware.""But my first step was good, the other will
be fine," I said to my self. I look up at the next step and I saw Mr.Straut
telling my friend to go the other way, but for me I think it's hard. I continue
with the same directions I was heading because from rock to rock was easier. I
was about to jump to the next rock when water rushes to ward my right foot. I
can't handle it and I slipped, but I don't want my body to fall into the water
so I use both my arms and push my body up as hard as I could. But the weight
was pulling me down. I push as hard as I could."Crack!" my body make out a sound. I
know it come from my left shoulder; my pushes get lesser and lesser power full.
I thought to my self that I will flow down with the river. I called for help,
but no one heard me. I have no hope but continue shouting for help. At last,
Ms. Emily the trip to Khao Yia guide heard my and help pull me up. I get out of
the river and stand on my feet again. I tried walked pass the river again, but in
the direction teachers told me to. The hike was over, I have so much fun and so
much pain. Next time I do something, I will follow the teacher's instructions.
I really liked that you made the moment of the river crossing part. Also I liked that you said that Mr. Komson was in a gardening uniform. It was called a stream though. [lol]
ReplyDeleteNice work Fourth. You did a great job focusing on one idea and developing it with dialogue, description, and action. You might want to double check your grammar using "Word", as you have a few capitalization and punctuation errors.
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